Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
