i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
