Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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