well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize