I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You made out with two different species that night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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