Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize