Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
