i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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