I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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