Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
