i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
