you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
