No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
