So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize