Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
