so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
