I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
