Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
