I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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