the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize