How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
