the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
