today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
