I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
