My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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