i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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