You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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