i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
