It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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