i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
