what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
