he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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