i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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