Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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