i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
