Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
