would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
