I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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