just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize