i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
