he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
