Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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