I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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