so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
