her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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