it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
