wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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