I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
