i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
