he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
