maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
