walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
