that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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