Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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