Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
