Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
