Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
