if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
