dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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