people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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