All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
