one two three fourrrrnication!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
