I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize