dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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