i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
