i think my tv is drunk
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
