I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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