Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
