Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
