Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
