I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
