Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize