Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
