i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
