tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
