Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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