One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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