1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
