Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
