I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
