I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
