I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
