not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
