Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
