Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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