went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
where are my pants?
in the oven.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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