I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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