i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
