Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
